


How Could the Silence Be So Loud

by ShowMeAHero



Category: Check Please! (Webcomic)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Break Up, Communication, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Getting Back Together, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Working Through Our Problems!, spoilers for Hi Honey - Part I
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-25
Updated: 2016-09-25
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:59:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,044
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8129618
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShowMeAHero/pseuds/ShowMeAHero
Summary: The biggest problem Bitty had ended up being, of course, that he was dating Jack Zimmermann, and those thoughts, those fears of ruining Jack's career, ruining his life, became very unfortunate realities. He told Jack that, of course, he was okay with keeping the secret; at first, he was. Really, he didn’t come out of the closet just to get shoved right into another one, but it was fine, in the long run. It was for the best for Jack, he knew, that they did. It was completely reasonable. And it was all fine, really, it was. He knew what they had to do.Except.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place immediately before/during/after "Hi, Honey - Part I" (Junior Year #9). We gotta fix this, guys. This can't happen this way. They gotta stick it out, they gotta FIX THIS.
> 
> Title taken from ["Ave Maria" by the beautiful Beyoncé](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rgxfthPHTwc).

Jack and Bitty weren’t even dating yet when Bitty first started thinking about it. When he was puzzling through his crush on Jack, trying to figure out what to do with the fact that he was slowly falling in love with someone who was graduating and moving away to become even more famous than he already was. He wondered what it would be like if they  _ did _ date; when could they drive out to see each other, what would they do to fill in the gaps when Jack was gone. Would they be able to tell anyone. What about Jack’s career. The thoughts plagued him, but he tried to ignore them, because they didn’t  _ matter _ , because he wasn’t going to date Jack Zimmermann and he just had to get over that thought right now before it caused him major problems.

The biggest problem ended up being, of course, that he soon was dating Jack Zimmermann, and those thoughts became very unfortunate realities. He told Jack that, of course, he was okay with keeping the secret; at first, he was. Really, he didn’t come out of the closet just to get shoved right into another one, but it was fine, in the long run. It was for the best for Jack, he knew, that they did. It was completely reasonable. And it was all fine, really, it was. He knew what they had to do.

Except.

Except, of course, for the fact that Bitty was starting to get in the way. He could tell; he knew he was, he knew every time Jack stammered on camera when he was asked about his girlfriend, he knew every time Jack pulled his hand out of Bitty’s when they left his apartment building. He knew because Jack knew, obviously; there was no way Jack didn’t know. And Jack deserved something he could talk about, or at least something he didn’t have to hide. This was his career - not something to be flippantly thrown away. He’d been working on his career for years. Bitty, well. Not so much.

But every time he saw Jack, it tore at him that he couldn’t run up and hug him. That when Chowder talked about Caitlin and Lardo talked about Shitty, he couldn’t say a word. Jack doesn’t even want to tell Shitty about them, and he’s getting so tired of it all. It’s exhausting keeping a secret like this from the only people he counts as family outside of Georgia, the people whose backs he’s supposed to have and who are supposed to have his. And the worst part -

The worst part was that he thought there was an end date on keeping the secret, but he never thought the end date was going to be on  _ them _ . But then Jack told him that hockey came first, and that there was an expiration date on their relationship; something like this, he said, could mess up his career, and he was right, Bitty knew. He had to think about his career. If it happened to Jack and Kent, it could happen to Jack and Bitty.

But Bitty was a professional when it came to things like this. He didn’t make it through eighteen years as a five-and-a-half-foot gay man in the South without a good poker face and poker smile and poker attitude. Jack knows something is wrong, now and then, and he just says he wishes someone could know. Jack understands; he wants that, too. 

Which brought Bitty to now. It may have been over a year since Bitty started thinking about everything could go wrong, but it was right at that moment that Bitty was really struck by how soon everything was going to go wrong, and how much it was going to be Bitty’s fault when it happened. It was cold - it was always cold for Bitty in the Northeast, but late November was naturally cold so he had a good excuse - but felt a lot warmer with Jack wrapped around him, breathing in his ear as he slept. Pressed up against Jack’s chest like this, it was easy to feel like nothing could go wrong. When he was left alone to let his mind race, though, it got a lot more difficult to convince himself everything was going to go alright.

Bitty shifted, turning around in Jack’s heavy arms so he could see his face. Jack’s mouth was slightly open, his whole face relaxed as he slept, and Bitty reached up to stroke his thumb over Jack’s cheekbone. It was still dark, and Jack was a light sleeper. He stirred a little, and Bitty dropped his hand. He leaned in, pushing his forehead against Jack’s, and tried to relax. He tried to forget about expiration dates, about Jack’s career, about how alone he felt. He shut his eyes, exhaled slowly, and fell asleep within the hour.

“You’re quiet this morning,” Jack commented the next day as Bitty made them blueberry pancakes. Bitty hummed in response, and Jack came up behind him, settling his hands on Bitty’s hips. Bitty tipped his head back to smile at him, but Jack frowned a little. “Are you feeling okay?”

“Yeah, I’m okay,” Bitty replied, and Jack kissed his forehead.

“We said we’d be honest with each other,” Jack reminded him. Bitty returned his attention to the pancakes, sliding his spatula under one of them and flipping it over perfectly. Jack waited for him to speak.

“I just feel down sometimes,” Bitty eventually admitted, which was technically true. “I feel a little lonely. And I worry…” Bitty hesitated, then sighed. “I just worry.”

“I know,” Jack replied. He buried his face in Bitty’s messy bed-head hair. “I know, Bits. I’m sorry. I know it’s hard.”

“Don’t apologize,” Bitty said, feeling like he wanted to add on  _ unless you’re going to mean it _ . He was trying not to be too bitter, because he knew Jack didn’t feel like he had a choice.  _ But you do _ , Bitty wanted to say.  _ We have a choice. Choose me _ .

But he didn’t.

“Don’t apologize,” Bitty repeated, and Jack kissed the top of his head. He reached over Bitty and flipped the burner off. “ _ Jack Zimmermann _ -”

“Hey,” Jack said, turning Bitty around and taking his chin between his forefinger and his thumb, tipping his head back to look at him. “It’s okay to be upset about it.”

Bitty reached up and planted his hands against Jack’s chest. “I know,” Bitty replied. “I know. I  _ know _ , I just - I just don’t want to be.”

Jack dropped his forehead against Bitty’s. He released his chin to stroke his hands through Bitty’s messy hair. Bitty’s chest  _ ached _ for what he was going to lose.

“I love you,” Jack said, and Bitty’s heart felt like lead. He stretched up to kiss Jack on the nose before he pulled away.

“If you really loved me, you’d let me finish our pancakes,” Bitty teased, and Jack laughed, and that was it. He knew that Jack tries - and Jack really  _ does  _ try. Communication was so important to him, and honesty, and understanding where they’re both coming from is always on the top of Jack’s list. But what was Bitty going to say to him?  _ I’m sorry, but I’m sad that the thing you love most in the world has to come before me?  _ or  _ I’m sorry that our expiration date is coming up too quickly for me to handle?  _ No, that wasn’t going to happen.

Bitty was on his way back to Samwell by the afternoon, since Jack had practice after his game from Friday night. He was back in the Haus, baking and working on homework, when Lardo and Chowder found him. Ransom and Holster were picking at his ingredients already, Bitty scolding them good-naturedly, and Chowder hugged him tightly.

“We missed you, man,” Chowder said into Bitty’s neck, squeezing him, and Bitty laughed. “You’re always going off to random stuff when we don’t have games. We miss you at home.”

“I miss y’all, too, I just have a lot going on this year, I’m sorry,” Bitty answered easily, because it wasn’t technically a lie. Bitty was the king of not-technically-lies. Chowder put him down and turned to see what food he could scavenge from what Bitty had already made. Lardo kissed Bitty’s cheek and sat down at the table with the rest of them.

“Make a lot of pies today, Bitty?” Lardo asked, poking at one of many pie tins on the table in front of her. “Feeling okay?”

Bitty made himself laugh. “Yeah, I’m okay. Why?”

Lardo eyed him, then shrugged. “If you say so.” She picked up one of the pie tins. “What’s this, maple cinnamon?”

“Sure is,” Bitty said, and the look on Lardo’s face looked like more than a response to maple cinnamon pie. His heart pulsed for a second in fear, thinking that maybe she knew, oh, Lord, what if she  _ knew _ , Jack would be so upset and-

“Bitty?” Lardo asked, and Bitty took a deep breath in through his nose. “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about something?”

“Yeah, Bits, your face is all red,” Ransom added. Holster looked up from the pie and fork in his hand.

“Oh, no, don’t worry about me, I’m fine,” Bitty assured them, turning towards the oven. “I swear, y’all overreact over everything.”

“You can talk to us, Bitty,” Chowder said, and it was his gentle tone that made Bitty stop and put the tin in his hands down on the counter.

“Do you…” Bitty began, then stopped. He looked down at his hands, gripping the edge of the counter. His knuckles were white. “Gosh, you guys, I just…” He reached up and rubbed at one of his eyes. “Lardo, do you ever… Do you ever feel like you and Shitty have an end date?”

Lardo was standing next to him in a heartbeat, frowning. “I don’t think so. Bitty-”

“That’s a weird question,” Chowder commented. “Her and Shitty are made for each other, they’re so happy. I’ve never thought Caitlin and I had an end date, that’s not how relationships work, are you-”

“ _ Chowder _ ,” Holster interrupted. Ransom came up on Bitty’s other side and putting a hand on his shoulder.

“What happened, Bitty?” Ransom asked quietly. Bitty shook his head, still looking down at his hands. Ransom pulled him into a side hug, Holster coming up to hug him from behind.

“I can’t talk about it,” Bitty whispered. He glanced up at Lardo, who wrapped her arms around his neck. Bitty turned his face into her shoulder and exhaled shakily.

“You don’t have to talk about it with us,” Lardo assured him. She rubbed his back, hand squeezed between him and Holster’s chest. The unspoken  _ you have to with him _ went silently between them, and Bitty put his arms around her in return. His heart pounded in his chest at the prospect of her catching on to him. “But, no.”

“No what?” Bitty asked, sniffling against her sleeve. He picked up his head to look at her.

“No, I don’t feel like we have an end date,” she clarified, and Bitty’s heart sank. Chowder came slamming into his side out of nowhere, nearly knocking them all over. Bitty laughed despite himself.

Late that night found Bitty sitting on his bed, looking at his phone resting unassumingly on the other end. He had set it down after Jack’s game, and he had been too afraid to pick it up ever since. A knock at his door startled him, and he scrubbed underneath his eyes with the back of his hands hurriedly.

“Come in,” he called, unfolding his legs and picking up the book he had long since abandoned. Lardo pushed his door open and peeked in at him. “Hi, Lardo! How are you doing, sweetheart?”

“Bitty,” Lardo said. Bitty sighed and set his book aside. Lardo shut the door behind her and came to sit next to him on his bed; he scooted out of her way so they could both lean back against the wall behind them. She pulled her legs up and looked at his phone with him. “Is it something they said?”

“No, I just don’t want to check my messages,” Bitty sighed, and Lardo put her arm around him and sat in silence with him for a minute.

“I know you can’t say anything to me,” she said eventually. Bitty turned his face away from her, looking out the window at nothing in particular. “And you don’t have to. I just don’t want you to make a mistake.”

“I’m in the way,” Bitty said quietly. “I’m just in the way. It’s not going to last.”

“You don’t know that.”

“I do,” Bitty replied. “God, Lardo, that’s the worst part. I  _ do _ know that.”

“Bitty-”

“I don’t know what to do,” Bitty said. “I love him. But he… I’m just in the way of everything he wants. Career comes first.” He pulled his knees up and rested his cheek on his knee, gazing at Lardo tiredly. “Please don’t say anything. To anyone. I can’t… We’re not supposed to, and he’d be so upset, and I just… I can’t do it.”

“Then tell him that,” Lardo said. “He’ll understand. He’s not an unreasonable man, Bitty. He wouldn’t want you to be unhappy. You haven’t talked to him about this?”

“How could I?” Bitty murmured. “How could I just look him in his sweet face and tell him this? He’d feel so guilty. I wouldn’t be better off for it, neither of us would. He’d either break up with me or he’d feel so bad he’d just go out and tell people before he’d think about it and he’d ruin his career. Neither of those is a good choice, Lardo, how am I supposed to-”   


“I think you should talk to him,” Lardo interrupted, putting a hand on his back as he calmed down and caught his breath. “Isn’t he coming up this weekend for our game?”

“Yeah, he said he was,” Bitty answered. “He said he wanted to see us win personally.”

“You know he’s not going to be mad at you,” Lardo told him, and Bitty shook his head, burying it in his knees.

“I’m mad at me,” Bitty whispered. Lardo rubbed his back. “I don’t want us to have an expiration date. I don’t want his career to come first. I want to be selfish and I can’t be.”

Lardo leaned in and pressed her face into his shoulder. “I know, Bitty.” She took his hand and squeezed it. “I know.”

There was another knock on the door, and Ransom stuck his head in. “Hey, Shitty’s here.” He looked at Bitty’s expression and his face crumpled. “Bitty? You okay?”

Bitty shook his head and looked away. His bed dipped when Ransom sat, and then dipped again, and he looked up to find Holster sitting next to Ransom, and Shitty standing next to the bed, looking sad, with Chowder peeking over his shoulder. Nursey and Dex hovered near the doorway, concerned faces too much for Bitty look at right then.

“Jack played a good game, Bitty, don’t be sad!” Chowder exclaimed, and Shitty elbowed him in the chest. “What?”

“Maybe you should talk to him, Bitty,” Ransom suggested, and Bitty hid his face.

“None of you are supposed to know,” Bitty protested weakly into his hands. A heavy hand landed on his head, and he looked up to Shitty kissing his forehead.

“You dropped a pie,” Shitty reminded him. “We couldn’t  _ not  _ know something was wrong. Lardo figured it out.”

“Sorry,” Lardo said, and Bitty glanced down again. “You know you should call him.”

“But it’s like you said, Nursey,” Bitty whispered. He pressed his forehead hard against his kneecaps. “They’re waiting for something to fuck up his career. I don’t want to be that something.”

“I didn’t-” Nursey began, but Dex stopped him. Lardo stroked Bitty’s hair.

“Well, you can’t keep going like this,” Lardo said. They all nodded and Shitty tipped Bitty’s head back to look him in the eyes.

“Call him,” Shitty told him. “Talk to him. You know you have to.”

“I know,” Bitty said, and he felt his face get hot and his eyes prickled. He shut his eyes and felt tears slide down his cheeks. “I know.”

Shitty hopped over Ransom and Holster to sit on Bitty’s other side, pulling him into his lap. “It’s gonna be okay, bro. We got your back.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Bitty said, hiccuping and rubbing at his face. Holster patted his ankle.

“We understand,” Ransom assured him. Chowder jumped up against Bitty and hugged him tightly, and Bitty laughed tearfully.

“Thank y’all so much,” Bitty choked out. He turned his face into Shitty’s chest and took a deep breath. “It’s just… It’s been real hard. I don’t know.”

“Call him,” Shitty said. “We’ll leave and let you talk, okay?”

“Okay,” Bitty said softly. Shitty stroked his hair back before getting up, peeling Chowder off the bed, and ushering everyone out. Lardo kissed Bitty’s temple and shut his door behind them. Bitty hesitated before picking up his phone. He called Jack with shaking hands. His heart pounded faster than it ever had in his life while it rang. The voicemail picked up; no answer. He called again. Still nothing. He kept calling, compulsively, dialing over and over, until he finally just let the voicemail message play and tried to calm himself down.

“Hi, honey,” he said, sniffling, when Jack’s message finished and the tone beeped. “I… I’m sorry. I know you just finished a game… I saw your goal! It was so good! Nursey spilled his PBR all over Chowder on the replay.” Bitty laughed tearfully and rubbed at his face with his sleeve. “I know you’re probably already on the plane, but you told me to call if I ever, uhm…” Bitty hesitated. “Uhm. Needed you. And I needed to get this out now.” Bitty leaned back against the wall, curling himself into a tight ball, cheek pressed against his thigh. “I guess… maybe  _ hiding  _ this has been hard lately. And I know the boys are starting to think something’s up. Everyone’s been giving it 100% at practice and I know I haven’t. Which isn’t fair to the boys. I should have each and every one of their backs, but… What can I  _ say _ ? And it’s the  _ little things _ . When I talk about you to other people… I hate it. And you  _ are  _ my friend. But I  _ hate  _ not being able to say the ‘boy’ part before it. Or maybe it's my fault for listening to any of the  _ garbage _ the media has to say about you. They're  _ never _ fair to your team. No one's _ ever  _ fair to you.” Bitty stopped, sniffled. “I'm sorry. It's just been a lot from all sides today.” Bitty stopped again, looking at his reflection in his darkened window, at his puffy eyes, his red face. He stared himself dead in the eyes.

“...Oh, my goodness. What am I _ doing _ ? This could've waited and- What a  _ terrible _ message to touch down to. I'm- honey. I'm sorry. This is so silly of me. I can deal with this. I’m just having a bad day and… Oh, goodness. Jack. Don’t listen to this. It’s just me being ridiculous. I love you. I’ll talk to you soon.” Bitty scrubbed at his face. “Love you, Jack. Bye.” Bitty hung up his phone and dropped it on the bed. As he stared at it, he only felt  _ guilt _ , but at the same time - an immense relief. At least Jack knew, at least now, maybe, they could figure it out. It would end.

Oh, no.

It would  _ end _ .

Bitty picked up his phone and dialed Jack’s number again. This time, it only rang for half a ring before Jack picked up, and Bitty’s heart slammed into his throat.

“Bittle?” Jack said, sounding confused. “Hey, bud. Is everything alright?”

“Honey, I just left a silly voicemail on your phone, please don't listen to it,” Bitty said hurriedly. “Delete it.”

“Wait, what?” Jack still sounded confused, and sad, and Bitty was tearing himself up over this. He wanted Jack here, he wanted to fix this, oh,  _ God _ , what has he  _ done _ ? “Bits. What’s wrong?”

“...Jack, I… I…” Bitty sat up, looking out the window, at the rain pounding down, at his own reflection staring back. He looked down at his hand in his lap, and remembered that strange sensation of guilt and relief. “...Can we talk?”

“Yeah, Bittle,” Jack said on the other end. “Are you okay?”

Bitty exhaled shakily. “No. No, Jack, I…” He dropped his head into his hand. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t keep doing this. It’s tearin’ me up inside, Jack, I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I’m just… I’m devastated.” He paused, breathing hard. “Jack?”

“Bitty,” Jack said quietly. It sounded like he was crying, too.

“Oh, Jack, no, don’t cry,” Bitty replied quickly. “No, Jack, please, I don’t-  _ Please _ .”   


“I don’t want to do this to you, Bitty.” Jack still sounded teary, reserved. Bitty shot up off his bed.

“Jack-”

“I won’t do this to you anymore, Bitty,” Jack said. Bitty’s hand twitched towards his jacket, but he didn’t even know where he would go. “I won’t. I just… I listened to your voicemail. I hear it… I understand. I know what you’re going through. It’s hell. I shouldn’t be putting you through this. I could see… I knew you were upset. I didn’t…”

“Jack, please,” Bitty whispered.

“I’ll still see you all this weekend,” Jack said softly. “I’m sorry I did this to you.”

“Jack, I love you,” Bitty insisted. “Please.”

A long pause. A sharp, shaky inhale on the other end. Bitty’s hands were shaking so hard he could barely hold his phone.

“We can talk more this weekend,” Jack spoke, finally. Bitty slumped back down on the bed, trembling. “I’ll let you… You should think about it. What you want. I’ll… Yeah. Yes.” He was quiet for a long time. “I love you, too, Bittle. I love you too much to do this to you.”

“Don’t,” Bitty said, quiet. “Jack, don’t.”

“I’ll talk to you this weekend,” Jack said, and hung up. Bitty dropped his phone. He stared out the window, unseeing, for a long time. He barely realized how hard he was crying until Lardo came in, knocked on the door, and came to his side when she found him. Shitty knelt in front of him and took his hands.

“Did he…” Lardo said, and Bitty shrugged.

“I don’t know,” Bitty answered honestly. “I don’t… I don’t know. I don’t think he wants…” Bitty looked up at Shitty, trying hard to catch his breath. “ _ Jack _ .”

“Oh, Bitty,” Shitty murmured, standing up and pulling Bitty’s head to his chest, hugging him tight. Lardo squeezed his hand and hugged him from the side.

“He said he would talk to me more when he came this weekend,” Bitty told them through his sobs. Shitty rubbed his back and Lardo pressed Bitty’s hand to her chest, trying to help him regulate his breathing and calm down. 

“Do you want me to call him?” Shitty asked, and Bitty shook his head vigorously.

“He doesn’t know you figured it out,” Bitty whispered. “I don’t want him mad- at- me- Oh,  _ Lord _ ,” Bitty hiccupped, trying to speak through his tears. “ _ Fuck _ . I don’t- I can’t do this.”   


“You can, it’s only two days and then he’ll be here,” Lardo reminded him. “You can do this, you can handle this. You’re going to be okay.”   


Shitty stroked Bitty’s hair back, and the two of them spent the night calming him down. Even after they had fallen asleep, bracketing him on his bed, however, Bitty laid awake, staring at the ceiling, dazed. He felt… empty. He kept glancing at his phone, wanting to call Jack, to Skype him, to hear his voice, see his laugh. He felt devastated.

The two days Lardo said he could handle, he couldn’t handle very well. He didn’t sleep. He barely ate anything. He practiced as hard as he could, did his schoolwork, baked in his free time. He didn’t give himself a spare second. He ignored his phone, turning it off after a few hours. They made sure someone was with him at all times, but he barely talked to them. He was always exhausted, always hungry, always weak, but he couldn’t bring himself to care -  _ God _ , he missed Jack, where was Jack to talk to, to understand him. He cried a lot. He just waited for Saturday.

And Saturday did come, though it felt like it took years instead of days. Bitty suited up, skated out first string. He felt exhausted, bleary, barely knew who they were playing, what plays he was making-

He was checked within minutes. He supposed he made an easy target. Then it happened again, but he couldn’t bring himself to fight back against it. He could hear Lardo shouting at him from the side, and he glanced up at her to respond, and someone slammed into him from behind, sending him sprawling across the ice. He saw Lardo’s mouth drop as he fell, his helmet snapping off, and he hit the ice, and it went black.

When he blinked his eyes open, he was staring up at the ceiling in the locker room. He squinted, then blinked again, before trying to get up. A couple of pairs of strong hands stopped him.

“Don’t move, Bittle,” Coach Hall said somewhere near his head. Bitty’s eyes flicked up to look up at him. “You hit the ice hard. They’re stitching you here. Just relax, okay?”

“Okay,” Bitty replied, sounding weird even to his own ears. “How’s the game?”

“We’re winning,” Lardo assured him from his other side, and Bitty glanced to her. “Don’t you  _ ever _ do that to me again, Eric Richard Bittle, or I will kick your ass so hard your grandkids will feel it, and don’t fucking thing that I won’t.”

“Go easy on him, we’ll kick his ass tomorrow,” Shitty assured her, peering down into Bitty’s face. “Hey there, bro. Sure did take a digger there. How’s the noodle?”

“Can’t feel it.” Bitty reached up towards his head, and Shitty grabbed his hand. Bitty could see someone in his peripheral touching his forehead and his cheek, but nothing felt like anything.

“They’re stitching you up right now, don’t touch that.” Shitty pat his hand and put it down. He glanced over his shoulder, then leaned down next to Bitty, close to his ear. “Jack’s here. Do you want him to come over?”

Bitty glanced at Lardo, who shrugged. Whoever was touching his head pulled back before he could say anything, saving him from answering right away, and touched his chin.

“Hey, there, Eric,” whoever it was said, and Bitty shifted slightly to see Dr. Reid from the health services station on campus. “How’s your head?”

“I guess it’s bad,” Bitty said, and Dr. Reid laughed. She picked up his hand and felt for a pulse point in his wrist. “But it doesn’t hurt too bad.”

“Then your anesthetic is working, which is great,” Dr. Reid said. “You’re going to have to go to the hospital soon, okay? Can you do that?”

“I can do that,” Bitty assured her, looking her in the eye. She pat his hand.

“You’re going to be okay,” she promised. Bitty half-smiled, his face pulling. Shitty squeezed his hand on the other side. Dr. Reid left his side, and Shitty leaned back in.

“Do you want him over here, Bits?” Shitty asked. Bitty looked over Shitty’s shoulder and saw Jack lingering in the corner, looking sad and scared and smaller than usual. He had his hat on backwards, a big blue sweater on. He looked so…  _ Jack _ , that Bitty wanted to cry.

“Yeah,” Bitty said quietly, and Jack was at his side before he could barely blink. Jack reached for his hand, then hesitated, pulling back. His eyes were tracing over what must be the gash on Bitty’s face, and Bitty wanted to scrub that look off his face.

“When I saw you go down…” Jack started to say, then stopped. He leaned down, closer to Bitty. “I couldn’t believe… I just… I’ll do anything,” Jack ended up saying, and Bitty blinked at him, heart hammering. “I can’t lose you. I’ll tell everyone. We don’t have to keep this secret anymore. We can’t keep hiding this, and we can’t… We can’t break up, I just…” Jack looked down at him. “You don’t want to break up, right?”

“Heavens, no, Jack, I just want to fix this,” Bitty assured him hurriedly. Jack grabbed him and pulled him into a hug, but they were quickly pried apart.

“Don’t jostle him like that, man,” Shitty murmured over Bitty’s head. Jack touched Bitty’s uninjured cheek.

“I’m so sorry,” Jack apologized, face starting to go red, eyes starting to swim. Bitty reached up and stroked Jack’s hair back from his forehead. “I can fix this.”

“I think the boys know now,” Bitty murmured, glancing at Shitty next to them. Jack looked up at him, and Shitty shrugged.

“Lardo figured it out,” Shitty explained, and Jack’s face was flat fear for a moment before Shitty slapped a hand down on his shoulder. “You know we all love you no matter what. We’re not mad. We’re not gonna tell anyone. This isn’t a bad thing, it’s not a big deal. You’re going to be okay.”

“I know,” Jack replied. He looked down at Bitty. “I’ll fix this. I can’t lose you.”

“I can’t lose you,” Bitty said back, and all of a sudden started to sob, hiccupping and reaching out for Jack. Jack pulled him into his arms gently and held him while he worked it out.

“You’re not going to,” Jack assured him. “We’ll fix this.”

Bitty looked up at Jack’s face, at Shitty and Lardo over his shoulder, at the team starting to file in through the front door of the locker room, all rushing over to him to check up on him. Bitty exhaled shakily.

“Yeah,” Bitty said, tears still streaming down his face. “Yeah, I really think we can.”

**Author's Note:**

> Maybe I'll do more of this, I really do not know! Who knows. I never do.
> 
> You can follow me on Twitter at [@nicoIodeon](https://twitter.com/nicoIodeon) or on Tumblr at [andillwriteyouatragedy](http://andillwriteyouatragedy.tumblr.com/).


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